Ask for Help

When caregivers ask me for advice, one of the things I suggest is that they ask for help.  And to ask for specific help.  I can say this with the deep conviction that comes from experience;  it took me eight years to ask anyone for help.

These were some of the voices in my head which held me back:  I should be able to do everything myself; if someone wants to help, they’ll offer to do so;  I don’t want to feel obligated.  And then there’s “I can stay by myself, I don’t need a babysitter.”  Sorry, that last voice wasn’t in my head but coming from my husband’s mouth.  So, between my unwillingness to ask for assistance and Ed’s unwillingness to let anyone but me care for him,  I waited 2920 days before asking Ed’s children to stay with him for a week so I could take some time off.

When someone says to you “What can I do”—tell them.  “Would you please stay with my wife on Monday afternoon so I can have lunch with friends?”   “Would you take my mother to lunch tomorrow so I can get my hair cut?” “Will you stay with your grandfather for the weekend so dad and I can get away?”  Time off is energizing—don’t wait eight years to find out.

One comment


  • Excellent advice. I found out recently from a geriatric neuropsychologist that depression exhibits in 80% of Alzheimer’s and dementia caregivers.

    Take care of yourselves, or you will never be able to care for your loved one.

    November 30, 2010

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